You didn't understand how you could stay so calm and freak out at the same time. You reasoned that you were in a state of shock and imaging the whole situation. It helped to pretend, but you'll never forget seeing the torn flesh, the broken bones, the blood.And then there was the bizarre journey to the hospital, sitting in the back of the ambulance on the gurney, trying to console yourself, feeling frustrated that you couldn't even hold your own hand, how everything just went through you when you tried to touch it. That was hard: trying not to freak out, trying not to believe that you were dead, or at least dying.And then the operation. You couldn't watch. You left and explored the building, walking around like a ghost. That's when you heard the sounds coming from the supply room and decided to investigate, when you saw the nurse pushed up against the wall, the doctor pounding her from behind, making a face he was probably glad she couldn't see.And that's when the other thing. .. but he knew it more certainly than he'd ever known anything. He had to fuck this girl who was his aunt or he could give up forever right now! If he made one false move she'd laugh at him and he'd dissolve in tears. Gary felt as though he were being made to walk the plank and only death awaited him if he didn't do it and do it now!"I wouldn't call it affection," he whispered, a little uncertainly, then boldly, "I want to fuck you!" She started to laugh, her head going back. In desperation Gary jerked her to him and held her in a vise-like grip, his mouth crushing down on hers furiously. He could feel his lips bruising against hers, the hard ridge of bone and teeth beneath the soft flesh. He heard her gasp as his mouth claimed her. Automatically her hands pushed a little against his chest and then miraculously came around his neck and she was kissing him back, her tongue darting into his mouth in quick little stabs. Gary clenched his eyes shut tight and gave himself up to the first.
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